The Do It Yourself Universe

I've been reading a lot about multiple universe theories lately.
Mainly out of a sense of wonder at what it would be like to meet my doppelganger, but also out of a fascination with the oddity of it all.
I tried to explain it before, but basically the theory says this: our universe isn't everything. In fact, it is next to a fraction of nothing. There's a whole bubble bath of universes out there in the cosmic stew -- each one unique and separate. We're a lonely bubble in an infinite tub.

So that begs the question -- if there are so many universes out there, something must be creating them. And if something is creating them, there must be a formula. And if there's a formula, well, I should be able to just slap one together in my kitchen ... right?

Surprisingly, yes. But only if you have the right ingredients.

The first thing we'll need is a universe seed. We'll make it really tiny. Physicists speculate our universe was roughly 10 to the -26 centimeters across prior to the Big Bang, so shoot for something around that. And you'll have to cram a lot of stuff in there - about 10 lbs. of material. Come on, work those pecs! Pack it in! Good job!

Next, we'll need a healthy dose of gravity.

But not the gravity we are familiar with. We'll want to utilize gravity's mean cousin - repulsive gravity. Or to demonize him a little further, let's call him DARK ENERGY. He likes to push everything apart. There's a lot of math involved, but suffice it to say that dark energy is what physicists believe to be the engine driving the expansion of our universe.

So we've impregnated our universe seedling with some dark energy. Hurrah! This little universe is really coming along! It's got all the stuff and energy it's ever going to need. Exciting! But why is our seedling is still sitting on the table inert?

Let's check our universe cookbook again ... we must be missing something.

A-ha! A trigger! Something to make our universe grow!

Here's where it gets really tricky. And, to be honest, I still understand only like 40 percent of this. We're going to have to compress our seedling a little more. Good. Now a little more. Wash rinse and repeat until it's so compressed it drops into its own black hole. And that's our tipping point. The black hole is our trigger.

And when the seed transforms into a black hole, it drops out of our reality and BOOM! a universe springs out on the other side.

Your universe. All made within the confines of your kitchen.

But isn't that like, totally dangerous?

Apparently, not. According to the math, (which again flies over my head) the universe would blow out the opposite side of the black hole, creating its own reality in space that never existed before. It would be like blowing another bubble into that cosmic bathtub we talked about. And all we'd have to do to observe it would be jump into the bubble.

There's just one catch. Once you've plunged into the new bubble (by traveling through the black hole conduit), there's no going back. To check out how surprisingly awesome your universe is -- you'll have to forsake your universe and every single bit of reality you've come to know.

But what a curious prospect! What would it be like in the other universe? Would there be carbon? Would stars develop? Would they do strong and weak forces? Would life evolve?

I'd be game to check it out. Sure, there would no longer be a monkey to run this blog, but that'd be letting down, what ... like 10 people?

They'll deal. See you in my new universe! (It's located behind the kitchen sink).