Flash Fiction: Betamax Implants

SysCorp announces closure of BrainAssist Line, cites competition from BrainBoost

Washington, D.C. - Bioengineering firm SysCorp announced today it would cease production of its floundering BrianAssist line, effectively conceding defeat in the five-year "augmentation war" to rival Aperture's popular "BrainBoost" implant series.
Last month, SysCorp President Cynthia Bow announced massive losses in the company's fourth quarter earnings, a reality experts predicted spelled doom for the pioneering line of brain augmentation technologies.
"Syscorp is remarkably proud of the pioneering spirit of its doctors, scientists and engineers," Bow said in a statement. "We take pride in being the first to introduce augmentation technology to the consumer market and are happy to have opened new cognitive horizons for our customers around the globe."
With BrainAssist discontinued, however, many customers are finding themselves left with an obsolete implant. And there's more bad news. They'll be no more updates.
"These guys reformatted my entire brain to make room for the augment," said Scott Schmidt, a BrainAssist user. "It cost me a fortune. Now they're just stopping production? What about updates for my BrainAssist? I'm stuck with this thing in my head and it's useless. Already I've lost my job to a BrainBoost user. How am I supposed to compete?"
Bow acknowledged customer frustration, but responded saying: "We made it clear to all users that indefinite updates were not a part of the contract."
BrainBoost user Thadius Clinton agreed saying: "BrainAssist users knew they were taking a risk when they jumped aboard the augment wagon five years ago. I understand the need to be first and all. To you know, impress your friends with your whiz-bang gadgetry. But, me, I was a rationalist. I waited out to see who won the augmentation wars and boy, am I ever glad I did. Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for the BrainAssist folks. I mean, that's a lot of money for a useless piece of hardware, but do I feel bad for them? Not really. The smart ones among us were cautious. It's their own fault, really."
No statement has yet been released from Aperture Science.
SysCorp says they will fight any litigation demanding compensation.
"If they want to upgrade to a BrainBoost, that's their decision," Bow said. "We're just happy to have served our loyal customers for so long."

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